Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Scenes from Geo. W. Bush's "Book" Tour, Pt. 1

A Tea-Bagger is Borned  [Best read aloud]

"Heh heh...jist read th' book. Aifter Ah read uncle dickie's notes fer his VP/S&M memoir, Ah 'membered how Ah bawl-gagged Say-Damn H00-sain inta almost tellin' me where them ol' DubyaMDs were...um, was...were...at.  Mommy wouldn't let me use her-n-pappy's favorite, so Ah had'tuh improverize with an ol' football an' some duck duct tape.   But that ol' moose-lim wuz a tough nut ta crack, which is exactly whut Ah tol' 'im: 'Say-Damn, you are one tough nut tah crack!'  That gave me an idear....  So Ah took off m'chaps, then m'Wranglers loose fit jeans, then put m'chaps BACK on...aind assumed th' position tuh contin-yuh the inter'gations....

"Heh heh....  Ah jist 'membered a funny detail: SH didn't have no gag reflex, which prob'ly explains why he never tol' me where them ol' DubyaMDs were...um, was...were...at.  Heh heh...coulda used him at summa mah frat parties cuz th' goats couldn't handle...*

Never mahnd that shit now...mommy's a-callin'. Prob'ly wants ta show me another jar in her prahvate collection...."

Saturday, November 6, 2010

And Now, an Excerpt From the Holy Scriptures*

A passage from the words of Christ, as recorded in chapter 19, Gospel of Matthew*, verses 16-21.

19.  And, behold, one came and said unto him, Good Master, what good thing shall I do, that I may have eternal life?

And He said unto him, Why callest thou me good? there is none good but one, that is, God: but if thou wilt enter into life, keep the commandments.

20.  He saith unto him, Which? Jesus said:

Thou shalt do no murder, unless it take the guise of an illegal war based on falsities.  (Verily, get thee to force others to do thy oppressive business.);

Thou shalt not commit adultery more than two score times;

Thou shalt not steal, unless it be from stockholders and taxpayers;

Thou shalt not bear false witness, unless it aids thy lust for power;

Honor thy father and thy mother, unless they vote Democrat, and;

Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself…with the following exclusions: foreigners, the GAY, kikes, wops, micks, welfare queens, intellectuals, integrators, vegetarians, anybody “brown”, (hath I mentioned The GAY?) l-l-l-l-ib’rals, people who fail to buy American, pansies, those thou dost deem “less” than thee, socialists, those that drive a hybrid or compost, (I hath covered The GAY, yes?) and most of all: black presidents.


21.  Lo, I say unto thee, it is easier for such as these to overcome the security system of  a BMW or take yer jobs than be loved by the Father…even though He made them, too.

Go forth and doest thou likewise and thou shalt have an eternal place at the seat of power.





* Tea Bagger Edition, abridged and corrected.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010