Wednesday, October 30, 2013

PR Tip for Local Business Owners, or: Do you like lucre, filthy AND clean?

Entertain whatever political beliefs ya want, but realize not everyone in your targeted customer base will agree, so maybe...slap some camo on your Reich-Wing nutjob talking point dumbass horseshit and also: suck it.

As many of you know, your hero and mine (that's me, sillies) forgot his ipod today, and was therefore  reduced to listening to (*cough*)commercial(*gag*)radio(*WHEEZ*) for the first time in YEARS. While that experience alone was as 1st-world horrible as you might imagine, it did expose me to something I've not gone through in a LONG time: local business advertising. 

One local business (I'll not drop its name because it would and likely doesn't care because it can lose me as a customer) has a spot in heavy rotation, touting the benefits of its particular brand vs. others. The main thrust: Obama sucks, so buy something you trust, because the other guys are somehow tied to that dang ol' ni...politician.  The spot specifically went out of its way to refer to GMC as "Gub'mint Motors" SEVERAL times because of the auto bailout from several years ago. (Of course, it fails to mention GM credited the bailout for its survival, that GM paid the money back IN FULL, and is now solvent and stronger than ever due to intelligent intervention during an historic economic upheaval brought on by deregulation and worldwide economic panic exacerbated by Bush the Lesser...but I digress and wax badass.)

The narrator THEN touts the "fact" their af-FORD-able brand didn't take a bailout, which was true...that time. However, it conveniently left out one thing: Ford (OH! WHAT A GIVEAWAY!) had kept $28B (IIRC...this ain't a research paper) in reserve from the time they DID take out a shitload of gub'mint help a few years earlier, which they used to ride out the worldwide economic calamity brought on by bush and his bidness-fellating cronies.

But that was hardly the most egregious shit-stain in the spot. 

Oh, no...they had to outdo the out-doers....

THEN, the narrator goes through a list of supposed Obama-specific failures/broken promises that read like something freshly-shat from the deepest and most crooked of Rupert Murdoch's bowels and birthed from his foul haunches: failure to turn around the economy (...yeah...the DOW went from 7,000 and falling to breaking 13,000 in just a couple of years, inflation is in check, and interest rates have fallen while the housing market has rebounded); failure to bring economic stability (see above), and failure to "bring peace to the streets of Chicago," whatever to Murgatroid THAT means....

So buy Ford...only for what I did there? Protected my ass from recrimination, I did)...time. 

Because: OBAMA-BOO!

So guess what, Fuckstick McBlowmestein? You.Ain't.EVER.Gettin'.Money.From.Me. 

P.S. Neither is any asshole who posts gunshops should display signs telling Obama voters to leave because they're too stupid to own guns. That's gonna SUCK for someone when I upgrade my duty weapon to a .45 (along with the accompanying gear) AND replace my trusty Mossburg with a Saiga.

P.S.S. Business people, you serve a WIDE range of customers. The local economy is too small to piss off very many.