tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9847950850586563922024-02-22T13:40:19.847-06:00Tilting at Ginmills & Whacking at Molehills...because the world is a welter of futile doing...The Great and Powerful Bloviatrixhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17972654822888062429noreply@blogger.comBlogger38125truetag:blogger.com,1999:blog-984795085058656392.post-32948267623082242752015-03-22T12:07:00.001-05:002015-03-22T12:07:21.964-05:00A Litmus test for Those Wishing to Engage in Political Debate<div class="uiTypeahead _5860" data-click-phase="0" data-click="Search" data-ft="{"tn":"+Q"}" id="u_0_a">
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Sometimes,
friends ask me to give some input on a particular issue because they
have an...infestation...of RWNJs and feel I can help. However, as I get
older and less tolerant of clear and present BULLSHIT, I've decided on a
test to ensure that those with whom I engage have a baseline political
acuity equal to at least half a blade of freshly cut hay and thus have
instituted a series of questions designed to ferret out members of the
f'idiocracy.<br />
<br />*For whom did you vote in the 2004 presidential election?<br />
<br />
*Where was President Obama born?<br />
<br />
*Are
the concepts of Communism, Socialism, Fascism, and Naziism distinct and
often opposed, or can they be used more or less as related terms if not
synonyms?<br />
<br />
*Are you a conspiracy theorist of ANY stripe (Birther, Truther, Red Flagger, Grassy Knoll...uh...-er, etc)?<br />
<br />
*Is President Obama a Muslim, Christian, Atheist, or Undecided? (And does it matter?)<br />
<br />
*Have you even referred to President Obama as "your/the anointed one" in non-ironic fashion?<br />
<br />
*Does Michelle Obama's "Let's Move!" program smell fascist-y?<br />
<br />
*Thoughts
on Reagan: an overrated POS whose corpse deserves to feel the sweet
nectar of my piss, freshly trickled through the dirt over his grave, or;
misunderstood scamp?<br />
<br />
*Bin Laden: Alive or dead?<br />
<br />
*The
Sandy Hook School Shooting: Real event, "false flag," media
misrepresentation of a drill, or other? (If "other" is chosen, please
explain.)<br />
<br />
There are CLEAR acceptable answers. Fail and fuck off. Pass and enjoy sensible debate.I'll add questions as I see fit.<br />
<br />
(And
for those whose delicate sensibilities are all a-ruffled, a reminder:
Mr. Nice Liberal went away about the 8,000th time I was called a
pinko-commie Nazi-socialist with fascist tendencies, a "faggot," or -
and this is a personal favorite - "nigger-lover." Debate from open
minded people is MORE than welcome, but if it so much as smells like
someone is a Fox-bot....As far as I'm concerned, pansy-assed, POS,
progenies-of-privilege like Guv'nah Ruiner, Walker, Snyder, Brownback,
the apparent entirety of the goddam heinous fuckery we call "the Bush
family," and the goddam goosestepping like - all of whom seem to have
the empathy and intellect the Creator gave the Honey Badger - can fuck
themselves and go to hell (...not necessarily in that order, of course
). They are but the palest of ghosts when compared to ACTUAL
Conservatives like John Thompson, Jim Edgar, or Ike.)<br />
<br />
Nudge
me when I can spell "conservative" with a capital "C," again, and I'll
be tolerant of those who've destroyed the very notion OF
"conservatism."</div>
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The Great and Powerful Bloviatrixhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17972654822888062429noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-984795085058656392.post-60471501440295573692014-10-10T11:07:00.004-05:002014-10-10T11:07:47.538-05:00Intro:<div class="_5pbx userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}">
Hi,
all. I'm an unapologetic, cantankerous, durty, rotten, stinkin', gawdam
L-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-ib'ral living in the pre-historic swamplands of So.
IL (which I have re-named "TeaBagistan"). Despite my track record, I can
say I don't hate Conservatism at all...I *miss* it. My favorite color
is plaid and I like long, slow naps on the beach. When I'm not tilting
at windmills, I love photography, though, given my often ham-fisted
results, I doubt you could say photography likes me. I am currently
developing ways to overcome the laws of physics. <br /><br />
My journey
started innocently enough: I plopped outta me mum and began ranting
immediately, as I saw the doctor was inappropriately dressed for the
occasion. More mewling followed, until I discovered "Language." After
that, I waxed rhapsodic on many a topic, my soapbox-of-choice being a
rather ungainly and (in hindsight) rickety set of unusually tall monkey
bars. Then...the discovery of my true super power: Swearing Mightily.<br />
<br />I was quite the Angry Young Man for a long (some would say, "too long")
time. But as the realization of Mortality has set in, I realize what a
difficult, strange trip I'm on, like the rest, begging the question: how
does one transition from AYM to Old Man Yelling at Clouds?<br />
It
reminds me of the time I sailed across Lake Superior on a dinghy the
size of a very large shoe (why anyone thought to name that lake
"Superior" is beyond me, as there are several examples of better in
Minnesota and Wisconsin, including a charming, though smaller, example
just outside the Fon Du Lac area named for a once proud, though little
remembered by history (due to the horribly racist policies of the
Jackson administration) Native American tribe, though the name escapes
me now as easily and completely as did the rascally cod I tried to
wrangle on Day 3 of my excursion...but I digress and wax further
rhapsodic....)<br />
<br />Anyway, t'was early on in my water-board adventure
when I stumbled upon--rather, nearly sailed over--a merchant marine
floating on what can only be described as a pile of rubbish loosely
bound together by what appeared to be strands of his own hair. He was
resplendent in his own way: well-worn boots that had clearly seen soil
from Jakharta, Tripoli, Bangladesh, and more than a few Seattle night
clubs at the height of grunge; pants and shirt from an ancient Sears
collection; a long, scruffy beard that popped out in every direction
from his jaw, complimented by an unusually thin, wispy mustache he must
have gotten from his mother's side; no hair could be seen as it was
apparently tucked away under a disconcertingly jaunty red wool cap. As I
barely steered clear of this unusual sight, this man began swearing at
me in the most profane, yet creative, of ways. (He was obviously the
Shakespeare of sailor-talk.) Called into question were the following
(though not necessarily in this order as his obscene observations looped
back over themselves numerous times): my character; my mother's moral
certitude and chastity; my father's ability to pick out healthy cattle;
my sister's ability in the art of love; the size of my dinghy, and; the
legitimacy of my birth.<br />
As I sailed ever further away from this
Tasmanian Devil of a Tourette's-afflicted example of the basest human
creature ever to straddle a piece of flotsam, I was so stunned I could
barely make reply. Finally, my days as Captain of the debate team at a
famously prestigious university I need hardly mention (though, if you
are interested, I shall send my CV for your perusal) came to bear and
serve me well as I crafted the most succinct, cutting, and concise
comeback in the history of history. I steeled myself again' the waves of
the lake (again, not exactly "Superior," but they presented a challenge
to me yet-to-be-developed sea legs, as this was early in my adventure,
as I said), put one foot 'pon the edge of my craft, and replied:<br />
<br /> "Go bloviate yerself!"<br />
<br />Judging by his stunned silence, I can only conclude it was the first
exposure to bloviation as witty rejoinder of which he'd ever been the
target.</div>
The Great and Powerful Bloviatrixhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17972654822888062429noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-984795085058656392.post-89130190826431297382013-11-15T09:53:00.003-06:002016-06-26T10:03:49.001-05:00Marriage Equality in IL, Day 10: From the Front Lines<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
This, in a word, is hell.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Ever since the frogs started raining down over a week ago, it's been
impossible to get anything done.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The dog
can’t go outside, so…things…are backing up, as they say.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The Boy, unable to attend school, has gone
feral.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sweetie…well, it’s just
heartbreaking the way our marriage remains thoroughly unaffected….<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
At least the brimstone started coming down good-n-hard, today, so that
should clear up the frogs and insects.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>(The locust and flies have been competing for
space, but in their Darwinian struggles, they’re getting glitter EVERYWHERE.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">) </span>Alas, there goes the brand new wicker patio furniture.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I imagine Williams-Sonoma will still expect
us to pay.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Thankfully, our homeowner’s
policy covers Acts of a Vengeful God.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I don’t know how much longer I can resist.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The conversion power of The.GAY was
underestimated, if anything.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They’ve
been more persistent than Jehovah’s Witnesses…and better groomed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even now, I can wear nothing but organic
cotton/linen blend V-necks and skinny jeans (though the boils make custom fittings a VERY painful
process). <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And that shawl collared
cardigan…it calls to me….<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I fear June 1st….</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I fear fer ‘Mer’kuh…</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
SAVE YOURSELVES…you fools!</div>
The Great and Powerful Bloviatrixhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17972654822888062429noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-984795085058656392.post-8597555247499173982013-10-30T21:41:00.000-05:002013-11-14T09:18:38.151-06:00PR Tip for Local Business Owners, or: Do you like lucre, filthy AND clean?<div align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Entertain whatever political beliefs ya want, but
realize not everyone in your targeted customer base will agree, so
maybe...slap some camo on your Reich-Wing nutjob talking point
dumbass horseshit and also: suck it.</div>
<div align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
As many of you know, your
hero and mine (that's me, sillies) forgot his ipod today, and was therefore
reduced to listening to (<b>*cough*</b>)commercial(<b>*gag*</b>)radio(<b>*WHEEZ*</b>) for the
first time in YEARS. While that experience alone was as 1st-world
horrible as you might imagine, it did expose me to something I've
not gone through in a LONG time: local business advertising. <br />
<br />
One local business (I'll
not drop its name because it would have...ltd...recognition and
likely doesn't care because it can probably...af-FORD...to lose me
as a customer) has a spot in heavy rotation, touting the benefits
of its particular brand vs. others. The main thrust: Obama sucks,
so buy something you can...af-FORD...and trust, because the other
guys are somehow tied to that dang ol' ni...politician. The spot specifically
went out of its way to refer to GMC as "Gub'mint Motors" SEVERAL times because of the auto bailout from several years ago.
(Of course, it fails to mention GM credited the bailout for its
survival, that GM paid the money back IN FULL, and is now solvent
and stronger than ever due to intelligent intervention during an
historic economic upheaval brought on by deregulation and worldwide
economic panic exacerbated by Bush the Lesser...but I digress and
wax badass.)</div>
<div align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
The narrator THEN touts the
"fact" their af-FORD-able brand didn't take a bailout,
which was true...that time. However, it conveniently left out one
thing: Ford (<u><i><b>OH! WHAT A GIVEAWAY!</b></i></u>) had kept $28B (IIRC...this ain't a research paper) in reserve from
the time they DID take out a shitload of gub'mint help a few years
earlier, which they used to ride out the worldwide economic
calamity brought on by bush and his bidness-fellating cronies.</div>
<div align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
But that was hardly the
most egregious shit-stain in the spot. </div>
<div align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Oh, no...they had to outdo
the out-doers....</div>
<div align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
THEN, the narrator goes through
a list of supposed Obama-specific failures/broken promises that read like something freshly-shat from the deepest and most crooked of Rupert Murdoch's bowels and birthed from his foul haunches: failure
to turn around the economy (...yeah...the DOW went from 7,000 and
falling to breaking 13,000 in just a couple of years, inflation is
in check, and interest rates have fallen while the housing market
has rebounded); failure to bring economic stability (see above), and failure
to "bring peace to the streets of Chicago," whatever to Murgatroid THAT means....</div>
<div align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
So buy Ford...only for
a...ltd...(see what I did there? Protected my ass from recrimination, I did)...time. </div>
<div align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Because: OBAMA-BOO!</div>
<div align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
So guess what, Fuckstick
McBlowmestein? You.Ain't.EVER.Gettin'.Money.From.Me. </div>
<div align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
P.S. Neither is any
asshole who posts gunshops should display signs telling Obama voters
to leave because they're too stupid to own guns. That's gonna SUCK
for <i>someone </i>when I upgrade my duty weapon to a .45 (along with the
accompanying gear) AND replace my trusty Mossburg with a Saiga.</div>
<div align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
P.S.S. Business people,
you serve a WIDE range of customers. The local economy is too small
to piss off very many.</div>
<div align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
The Great and Powerful Bloviatrixhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17972654822888062429noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-984795085058656392.post-71869774317352458162013-01-02T12:33:00.002-06:002013-01-02T12:33:28.014-06:00Marriage Equality in IL<em>Today, the IL legislature takes up debate on marriage equality in
my home state. I'm sharing this with my local reps and urge you all
to share your thoughts with them, as well.</em><br /><br />
Dear Rep. _______:<br />
<br />
I'm a lifelong IL resident and have spent nearly all of that life in
So. IL. I graduated from ____ in 1986, ___ in 1991, and am currently
employed as a police officer in ____.<br />
<br />
Until the age of 18, I was as dedicated a homophobe as ever existed.
I was a jock (among other things) and raised in church, so I always
knew how gay people were to be treated, even though I didn't personally
know anyone who was openly gay. While I never actually engaged in any
direct bullying, myself, I certainly condoned keeping gay people in
their rightful place: in hiding. Gay people could live as they saw fit,
as long as they kept that to themselves.<br />
<br />
I've since learned how shameful, un-Christian, and un-American it is
to oppress people for being nothing more than gay. When I went to
college, I actually met gay people, quickly realizing in-full their
agenda: to live free, open lives while bothering no one, expecting the
same treatment from their fellows in return. Within weeks of arriving
on ... campus, everything I'd been taught and everything I thought about
homosexuality was laid bare as naked bigotry and fear, so I returned to
the words of Christ regarding homosexuality...and found He said nothing
on the subject. In fact, I discovered “Love thy neighbor as thyself”
ended with a period, not an asterisk. Many of my college friends
happened to be gay and I learned a great many lessons, including not one
of them CHOSE to be gay any more than I CHOSE to be straight and each
had an extraordinarily difficult struggle when they realized they were
indeed born gay. Interestingly, none of them tired to “recruit” me into
the "gay lifestyle," either.<br />
<br />
I happen to be straight, but I still know to the core of my being
that no American should be treated as a second-class citizen. The 1st
Amendment clearly states “Congress shall make no law respecting an
establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof....”
Many churches and denominations fully recognize gay marriage as what
it is: marriage. Therefore, the government has no right to tell two
consenting adults what kind of social contract they can arrange for
themselves, nor can it tell a church what it may or may not recognize as
a holy union, so long as no one else's fundamental rights are at risk.
No one's rights are violated by two gay people making a public
commitment to grow old together.<br />
<br />
I consider the last 26 years of my life to be penance for the first
18. It is absolutely wrong to allow this inequality to continue, so I
urge you to vote in favor of marriage equality so that our fellow
Illinoisans may pursue their happiness without interference from their
government.<br />
<br />
Thank you for your consideration...and go 'Cats.<br />
<br />The Great and Powerful Bloviatrixhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17972654822888062429noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-984795085058656392.post-55212957176668675302012-09-25T11:18:00.002-05:002012-09-25T11:25:36.566-05:00Celebrating Columbus<span class="userContent">Welcome to America. Before we connect you to a Survive the Winter representative, please choose from the following options:<br /> <br /> *Press 1 for Algonquin.<br /> <br /> *Press 2 for Cherokee.<br /> <br /> *Press 3 for Muskogean.<br /> <br /> *Press 4 for Mahican.</span><br /><br />*Press 5 for a list of Delaware dialects.<br />
<div class="text_exposed_show">
<br />
*Press 6 for a list of Iroquois dialects.<br />
<br />
*Press 7 for a list of Abnaki dialects..<br />
<br />
*Press 8 for a list of berries your dumb ass shouldn't eat.<br />
<br />
*Press 9 for more options.</div>
The Great and Powerful Bloviatrixhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17972654822888062429noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-984795085058656392.post-76108989714131885492012-09-20T12:57:00.001-05:002012-09-20T13:06:44.317-05:00FUN! with Forwarded Right-Wing WORK E-mails!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
I don't <i>always </i>respond to ridiculous right-wing hate mail sent to me through my work's e-mail network, but when I do, it goes a l'il summin-summin like this:<br />
<br />
"While I realize nothing penetrates the right-wing bubble, on the
off-chance there are people on this list who MIGHT pretend to be open
minded, let's just take each of these idiotic pieces of...whatever ya
wanna call 'em...in turn. I've numbered them for easy reference.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"></td><td style="text-align: center;"></td><td style="text-align: center;"></td><td style="text-align: center;"></td><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjg9FuYIXTguf1CC9CcADPAvKZggCDEXkCLdauDDyoKWfUGo5OQUPexN7MNuXF9CQHNnRc3YCNby7ukMIBDpdkmsuw8iwi48yehifAU2VLT35hmCm1L70gZ6a3xE2wif3MQOHdcfisxwnJt/s1600/ATT00154.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjg9FuYIXTguf1CC9CcADPAvKZggCDEXkCLdauDDyoKWfUGo5OQUPexN7MNuXF9CQHNnRc3YCNby7ukMIBDpdkmsuw8iwi48yehifAU2VLT35hmCm1L70gZ6a3xE2wif3MQOHdcfisxwnJt/s320/ATT00154.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
1. Clever. Almost as clever as the architect who designed the pole barns in the background.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_eWE0yC0eK6wEn0o0xuuSnyN8tdRctbdup77pFW5V3K00oMgK9lXRw42x34svV9-Uxg0UuJiCr5_Yc_fd8mBpRbPo5HAATz-k7Nu1ZQHEFmA5zLh_jA92oc458Pgh5e8inXfqDFOWriFp/s1600/ATT00157.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="206" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_eWE0yC0eK6wEn0o0xuuSnyN8tdRctbdup77pFW5V3K00oMgK9lXRw42x34svV9-Uxg0UuJiCr5_Yc_fd8mBpRbPo5HAATz-k7Nu1ZQHEFmA5zLh_jA92oc458Pgh5e8inXfqDFOWriFp/s320/ATT00157.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
2. " The idea that we’re all in it together — that I am my
brother’s keeper;
I am my sister’s keeper — that is a value. But they’re still talking
about you as if you’re some greedy special interest that needs to be
beaten. Since when are hardworking men and women special interests?"
~President Obama. <br /><br />That looks like a whole LOTTA "We the people."<br />
<br />
Or do you prefer Romney's nugget: "All right, there are 47 percent who are with him, who are dependent upon
government, who believe that they are victims, who believe the
government has a responsibility to care for them, who believe that they
are entitled to health care, to food, to housing, to you name it. That
that's an entitlement. And the government should give it to them. And
they will vote for this president no matter what.... These are people
who pay no income tax. Forty-seven percent of Americans pay no income
tax."<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_FDT1LOtKU1PA4ly6y60t6j-cpKRu1f6uxFE1kL7dfnOJiSCsgVEryJOqlQNdjJ804C_8B1Zwkv3sNx9F_uElCzA783yaURoKBIUrOVLF1bg2d9Oy9Yg_L84BBW4B8PNV31SGqS9E3Lum/s1600/ATT00160.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="218" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_FDT1LOtKU1PA4ly6y60t6j-cpKRu1f6uxFE1kL7dfnOJiSCsgVEryJOqlQNdjJ804C_8B1Zwkv3sNx9F_uElCzA783yaURoKBIUrOVLF1bg2d9Oy9Yg_L84BBW4B8PNV31SGqS9E3Lum/s320/ATT00160.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
3. Jesus also worked for change; so did <span class="yiv322272814" id="yiv322272814misspell-0">Gandhi</span>; so did George Washington. Damn socialistic commie/<span class="yiv322272814mark" id="yiv322272814misspell-1">nazi</span>/fascist hippies....<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhagkaP5AgQRM_tpFZmowK7X-r1BytpvjAjVDWnDCAlg4WNXE2W4wcpBFuZ76AzUaZyaNwLTYxuug2eDsH3mJLi7-tI_KfOQ16OFeznE5RrMb7fOlLj9cgx1FPFdewHeW6Mf7P5don5IQB9/s1600/ATT00163.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhagkaP5AgQRM_tpFZmowK7X-r1BytpvjAjVDWnDCAlg4WNXE2W4wcpBFuZ76AzUaZyaNwLTYxuug2eDsH3mJLi7-tI_KfOQ16OFeznE5RrMb7fOlLj9cgx1FPFdewHeW6Mf7P5don5IQB9/s320/ATT00163.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
4. <span class="yiv322272814mark" id="yiv322272814misspell-2">Birthers</span> are the lowest form of political scum in America, but let's address that thinly disguised racist tripe, briefly: what <span class="yiv322272814mark" id="yiv322272814misspell-3">birthers</span>
peddle is that in the late fifties and early sixties, a group conspired
to plant fake paperwork in the state of Hawaii JUST IN CASE a bi-racial
child of a
broken home might just be able to become president and...and what?
Increase foreign aid to Kenya? Uh...make us all "socialists"? Get rid
of the <span class="yiv322272814mark" id="yiv322272814misspell-4">Kardashians</span>...?<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwdlwMM5VrfGhVGLnwTEz0XQ9dMVD7U6wDjb_v7WiUh_tCMN1Qk0ECYbv8Tz3HhHy8MoaOteP5FF0iULiGErOOcnhEG8FWonzLlhG2N9-ODZFlNK-xCeNP4pmTEWINrd7m3L1rqBq2ljNK/s1600/ATT00166.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwdlwMM5VrfGhVGLnwTEz0XQ9dMVD7U6wDjb_v7WiUh_tCMN1Qk0ECYbv8Tz3HhHy8MoaOteP5FF0iULiGErOOcnhEG8FWonzLlhG2N9-ODZFlNK-xCeNP4pmTEWINrd7m3L1rqBq2ljNK/s320/ATT00166.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
5. Ah, St. Reagan. The guy who was a former president of a union
(SAG) and raised taxes 11 times while exploding the federal budget and
deficit. *sniff*<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjnCdiR8HJHQiU24jwPvdkxTILAmOke5jhlE2PqmDyCCPHaNogW6CYdSL9Yx_n7c2iOMBhn8UczQjmUgeDJs3eMfxXSfitZl0ReMtNr_Nzo6ny5WIr3lrVYoC7JdOsdOAQ-i5QjqzEgC_Z/s1600/ATT00169.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjnCdiR8HJHQiU24jwPvdkxTILAmOke5jhlE2PqmDyCCPHaNogW6CYdSL9Yx_n7c2iOMBhn8UczQjmUgeDJs3eMfxXSfitZl0ReMtNr_Nzo6ny5WIr3lrVYoC7JdOsdOAQ-i5QjqzEgC_Z/s320/ATT00169.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
6. No. I'm embarrassed actual Conservatives (note the capital
"C") didn't reel in horror from the reckless Bush years, go back to
their roots and come back this year with an Eisenhower Republican. <span class="yiv322272814userContent"> </span><br />
<span class="yiv322272814userContent"><br />Let
me get this straight...the last time we
elected a privileged, rich, "businessman" who inherited MILLIONS and
leaned on his alleged religious beliefs, he got 8 years to create the
smoking crater that used to be the U.S., but the B.L.A.C.K. guy gets
just THREE and change to try to fix it and some people wanna replace him
with an even MORE privileged jackass who wants to return to then
double-down on the <span class="yiv322272814mark" id="yiv322272814misspell-5">dumbass</span> policies of <span class="yiv322272814mark" id="yiv322272814misspell-6">Dubya</span>.<br /> <br /> Do I have that right...? </span> <br />
<br />
To re-phrase: HELL, NO, I'm not embarrassed I voted for President Obama! Can't WAIT to do it again!<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfxIeVoxrPUVEzXUIpvxFaVaIDsmLYt68vyQlFbXYGxfSXrt5TPPrn9U6zFnqvay8jg8w2j1GfgCQYr0AGo4XzHkfIgyYpsMN30eLVXuC6oMaXLHaJibn5ii82D4FunsNvTPRjZup7vTYN/s1600/ATT00172.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfxIeVoxrPUVEzXUIpvxFaVaIDsmLYt68vyQlFbXYGxfSXrt5TPPrn9U6zFnqvay8jg8w2j1GfgCQYr0AGo4XzHkfIgyYpsMN30eLVXuC6oMaXLHaJibn5ii82D4FunsNvTPRjZup7vTYN/s320/ATT00172.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
7. She keeps using words to which she clearly doesn't know the meaning. If <span class="yiv322272814mark" id="yiv322272814misspell-7">Obama's</span>
a "Marxist," he's the worst one EVER, considering the DOW and NASDAQ
are near historic highs, as are corporate profits. And if he wants to
be a "dictator," y'all wanna explain how every <span class="yiv322272814mark" id="yiv322272814misspell-8">POS</span> tea party member in the House STILL has their head on their shoulders and not on a pike outside the capitol?<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidnCyLSkHVEv3GhwdWbmNHVpEo0h7GY7MwJ1AmJ5U6Q0abDD0Cm5F9eFi8zEKpAKS39YNFFIM_wa6G2q4BZ8nmmZClJgaoH03U-_yumf-uSyQzqLDbRVFJh0yxBFkxY_73SvTCzQFGUi1k/s1600/ATT00175.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidnCyLSkHVEv3GhwdWbmNHVpEo0h7GY7MwJ1AmJ5U6Q0abDD0Cm5F9eFi8zEKpAKS39YNFFIM_wa6G2q4BZ8nmmZClJgaoH03U-_yumf-uSyQzqLDbRVFJh0yxBFkxY_73SvTCzQFGUi1k/s320/ATT00175.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
8. How do I like my change? Just fine, thanks. I like my <span class="yiv322272814mark" id="yiv322272814misspell-9">GMs</span> alive and bin <span class="yiv322272814mark" id="yiv322272814misspell-10">Ladens</span>
dead. "And, also," to quote Sarah <span class="yiv322272814mark" id="yiv322272814misspell-11">Palin</span>, I still have all my precious guns and can talk all the crap I want without fear President <span class="yiv322272814mark" id="yiv322272814misspell-12">Obama's</span> drones are listening. <br />
<br />
To the owner of that sign and all who give credence to its "message": Grow a pair, <span class="yiv322272814mark" id="yiv322272814misspell-13">moran</span> [sic].<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdErs5l-4ObueITlWrc2U9MiHNU2zCyOA3_Y1oU6YvzKVdOlOy1ra4M2DRJen9ss7euemor6_5-iZG9JNMXbiEGe1a9uWFUGh5E0XdzKcwsGkgVQ0D8dWF3yoDoIFiiimGzDSsdGsonUI1/s1600/ATT00178.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdErs5l-4ObueITlWrc2U9MiHNU2zCyOA3_Y1oU6YvzKVdOlOy1ra4M2DRJen9ss7euemor6_5-iZG9JNMXbiEGe1a9uWFUGh5E0XdzKcwsGkgVQ0D8dWF3yoDoIFiiimGzDSsdGsonUI1/s320/ATT00178.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
9. Stimulus worked; more terrorists killed in <span class="yiv322272814mark" id="yiv322272814misspell-14">Obama's</span> first TWO years than all of Bush's eight; not according to auto maker <span class="yiv322272814mark" id="yiv322272814misspell-15">CEOs</span>
and stockholders; not according to the private insurance cos.; only for
children smuggled or otherwise brought here by parents without breaking
laws themselves AND the DREAM Act was/is a republican idea, and; that's a REPUBLICAN idea,
too.<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibL3Isy7HKt8Wd749F5ivLH8s9XqLgiu6h0aoyWxTRCP9kwHzYqRVK3k8GKJ0C6718xMU9Le8kebOZbRbchcstwkJOKwtY2RSz7qnYLoqDesyPWX3Mk_eoJXfXHWIgf2aSTND4GYBiJq5L/s1600/ATT00181.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="224" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibL3Isy7HKt8Wd749F5ivLH8s9XqLgiu6h0aoyWxTRCP9kwHzYqRVK3k8GKJ0C6718xMU9Le8kebOZbRbchcstwkJOKwtY2RSz7qnYLoqDesyPWX3Mk_eoJXfXHWIgf2aSTND4GYBiJq5L/s320/ATT00181.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
10. America's broke, huh? Then how the HELL are we paying for wars started by
<span class="yiv322272814mark" id="yiv322272814misspell-16">Dubya</span> AND giving money to Israel?<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0y5btvJmnLLtZQPfYvcEq9ddDwv2oN7KTZcJ9ksaie6z145r3zqLnZmaj0YxH5zsbMrjuBPGF-8dMcm_cWlxmw-ttltos6jsXvEeGckU63NwcTtpQx8KJt4c6NUXTophPW0CcnFuxCAVR/s1600/ATT00184.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0y5btvJmnLLtZQPfYvcEq9ddDwv2oN7KTZcJ9ksaie6z145r3zqLnZmaj0YxH5zsbMrjuBPGF-8dMcm_cWlxmw-ttltos6jsXvEeGckU63NwcTtpQx8KJt4c6NUXTophPW0CcnFuxCAVR/s320/ATT00184.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
11. If you didn't whine about <span class="yiv322272814mark" id="yiv322272814misspell-17">Dubya</span> turning a balanced budget into a record deficit within his first two years...shut yer Koch-hole.<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivIL3KLifhsPl2CPhJnf9jGIHFeWXNI5dfbG8NyWb0srfQU9DbCY22B9H28ohWbGUNff-PAjjFZo4LE55LeJ0GIUD3in-N9daOgcoHkZA4dy0o_QAs0J9MySg7aqSdcYsAROGtxT3Aqyv9/s1600/ATT00187.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="124" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivIL3KLifhsPl2CPhJnf9jGIHFeWXNI5dfbG8NyWb0srfQU9DbCY22B9H28ohWbGUNff-PAjjFZo4LE55LeJ0GIUD3in-N9daOgcoHkZA4dy0o_QAs0J9MySg7aqSdcYsAROGtxT3Aqyv9/s320/ATT00187.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
12. So was Mitt Romney...until he wasn't...except in the case of rape & incest...dammit, now he's not.<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEic47QZzNHiM8usoxFO9uEKUYT53v77mIWXckvxNsOijGJXTcq1MX0JTIATpZpgL8LalV1Q-wNdlUCMYMHNGMRmqgdZRiN9RPExVx-Z8GRCA-vx4sxGGk_k2BLGznAFgI-xhQwH_7IsEV2l/s1600/ATT00190.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="281" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEic47QZzNHiM8usoxFO9uEKUYT53v77mIWXckvxNsOijGJXTcq1MX0JTIATpZpgL8LalV1Q-wNdlUCMYMHNGMRmqgdZRiN9RPExVx-Z8GRCA-vx4sxGGk_k2BLGznAFgI-xhQwH_7IsEV2l/s320/ATT00190.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
13. Wow. Nice plagiarism. In 1982, Michael Barnes told a gathering of
roughly 150 union leaders that, "for a working man or woman in this
country to vote Republican in 1982 would be like a chicken voting for
Col. Sanders." Holds true today....<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEifNL_BLk837X1ST8vd2QzMpi4J8zV1VRu3Rdg6J10g6mg_e87DPVFXRcf2CMuqiYUPRgywkobxeBWmQ47Pa3trK_jM7vu4yTI8Yn4IG-d6V1i8NyhYY0Dv3hvcmIExotGaIs7fSGPd_ZD3/s1600/ATT00193.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="250" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEifNL_BLk837X1ST8vd2QzMpi4J8zV1VRu3Rdg6J10g6mg_e87DPVFXRcf2CMuqiYUPRgywkobxeBWmQ47Pa3trK_jM7vu4yTI8Yn4IG-d6V1i8NyhYY0Dv3hvcmIExotGaIs7fSGPd_ZD3/s320/ATT00193.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
14. Racist much? <br />
<br />
*Anti-Choice? Don't have an abortion. <br />
<br />
*Don't like gay
marriage? Don't marry a gay person. <br />
<br />
*Hate taxes? Send President Obama a
thank-you card for the multiple tax DECREASES he's given the middle
class, including the payroll tax credit. (Psst: that last one is the
one Mitt wants
to take back while giving HIMSELF another tax break.) <br />
<br />
*I still have ALL
my guns and we have NO new regulations. <br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Betcha no one but me has the guts to forward THIS."<br />
<br />
And remember: always, <i>ALWAYS</i> hit "Reply All."The Great and Powerful Bloviatrixhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17972654822888062429noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-984795085058656392.post-53250991680182475762011-11-15T14:38:00.003-06:002011-11-15T14:40:53.123-06:00Inspirational Newt<b>I</b><br />
There once was a fella named Newt<br />
Who coveted all of the loot.<br />
With a smile on his face<br />
And no hint of disgrace<br />
He'd give his 3rd wife The Big Boot.<br />
<br />
<br />
<b>II</b><br />
There once was a fella named Newt<br />
Who did seem like quite the galoot.<br />
With a mouth well past full<br />
The strings he did pull<br />
And made Herman Cain go kaput.<br />
<br />
<b>III</b> <br />
GINGRICH! One hell of a name!<br />
Made others sit back and exclaim:<br />
"With a name spelled like that - <br />
And an apron so fat - <br />
Our passions he he can't help inflame!"<br />
<br />
<b>IV</b><br />
With Eye of Newt, Spawn of Hate,<br />
The Other we all should berate.<br />
But when it is known<br />
How much he did owe,<br />
They'll all say, "Not HIM! We will wait!"The Great and Powerful Bloviatrixhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17972654822888062429noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-984795085058656392.post-75622227158055164892011-02-14T13:39:00.000-06:002011-02-14T13:39:24.492-06:00Well, Allow Me to Re-TORT....A friend of mine sent me one o' them "funny" chain e-mails a few days ago. In it, the original "author" relayed the "hilarious" story of a gun-suckler who lived next to a liberal (I pointed out we prefer the term "DurtyStinkin'Commie-Fasco L-l-l-l-ib'ral) who liked to stir the pot. The fetishist put a sign in his yard with the following text:<br />
<br />
<b>"BURGLARS! My neighbor is a gun-control advocate. Feel free to rob him, but THESE premises are protected by guns."</b><br />
<b> </b><br />
<b> </b>The sign had a large arrow on top, pointing to his neighbor's house.<br />
<b> </b><br />
<b> </b>OH, the HEE-LARITY! However, as a gun-owning DurtyStinkin'Commie-Fasco L-l-l-l-ib'ral, I thought of an appropriate response:<br />
<br />
<b>"BURGLARS! My neighbor has a LOT of guns which you can easily trade on the black market for drugs or money! And he's a <i>TERRIBLE </i>shot."</b><br />
<br />
The arrow would point right back at him....<br />
<br />
The 2nd Amendment goes both way, bitches, even if DurtyStinkin'Commie-Fasco L-l-l-l-ib'rals don't view it as a religious document. And I'm sorry about the size of your penis, morans [sic].The Great and Powerful Bloviatrixhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17972654822888062429noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-984795085058656392.post-63773432446789964042011-01-13T12:12:00.000-06:002011-01-13T12:12:16.996-06:00Of Mama Grizzlies & MessagesA bear and a rabbit are relieving themselves near each other in the woods. The bear turns to the rabbit and politely asks, "Do you have a problem with shit sticking to your fur?" The rabbit, thinking it an odd question, warily replies, "No." The bear says, "Well, that's good," grabs the rabbit, thoroughly wipes it's own ass, then tosses the rabbit aside as it walks deeper into the woods.<br />
<br />
Palin (along with all of f*x (ItAin't)News, beck, et al) is a scatological mama grizzly and your everyday, run-of-the-mill republican is her rabbit.<br />
<br />
/sceneThe Great and Powerful Bloviatrixhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17972654822888062429noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-984795085058656392.post-32793536951152546142010-11-17T01:09:00.002-06:002011-12-21T12:03:27.309-06:00Scenes from Geo. W. Bush's "Book" Tour, Pt. 1<span style="font-size: large;"><b><i style="color: red;">A Tea-Bagger is Borned</i></b></span> [Best read aloud]<br />
<br />
"Heh heh...jist read th' book. Aifter Ah read uncle dickie's notes fer his VP/S&M memoir, Ah 'membered how Ah bawl-gagged Say-Damn H00-sain inta <i>almost </i>tellin' me where them ol' DubyaMDs were...um, was...were...at. Mommy wouldn't let me use her-n-pappy's favorite, so Ah had'tuh improverize with an ol' football an' some <strike>duck</strike> duct tape. But that ol' moose-lim wuz a tough nut ta crack, which is exactly whut Ah tol' 'im: 'Say-Damn, you are one tough nut tah crack!' That gave me an idear.... So Ah took off m'chaps, then m'Wranglers loose fit jeans, then put m'chaps BACK on...aind assumed th' position tuh contin-yuh the inter'gations....<br />
<br />
"Heh heh.... Ah jist 'membered a funny detail: SH didn't have no gag reflex, which prob'ly explains why he never tol' me where them ol' DubyaMDs were...um, was...were...at. Heh heh...coulda used him at summa mah frat parties cuz th' goats couldn't handle...*<br />
<br />
Never mahnd that shit now...mommy's a-callin'. Prob'ly wants ta show me another jar in her prahvate collection...."The Great and Powerful Bloviatrixhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17972654822888062429noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-984795085058656392.post-81518574495097363452010-11-06T12:45:00.009-05:002012-01-02T10:37:50.566-06:00And Now, an Excerpt From the Holy Scriptures*<span style="font-size: large;">A passage from the words of Christ, as recorded in chapter 19, Gospel of Matthew*, verses 16-21.<br />
<br />
<b>19.</b> And, behold, one came and said unto him, Good Master, what good thing shall I do, that I may have eternal life?<br />
<br />
And He said unto him, <span style="color: red;">Why callest thou me good? there is none good but one, that is, God: but if thou wilt enter into life, keep the commandments.</span><br />
<br />
<b>20.</b> He saith unto him, Which?<i> </i>Jesus said:<br />
<br />
<span style="color: red;">Thou shalt do no murder, unless it take the guise of an illegal war based on falsities. (Verily, get thee to force others to do thy oppressive business.); <br />
<br />
Thou shalt not commit adultery more than two score times; <br />
<br />
Thou shalt not steal, unless it be from stockholders and taxpayers; <br />
<br />
Thou shalt not bear false witness, unless it aids thy lust for power;<br />
<br />
Honor thy father and thy mother, unless they vote Democrat, and; <br />
<br />
Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself…with the following exclusions: foreigners, the GAY, kikes, wops, micks, welfare queens, intellectuals, integrators, vegetarians, anybody “brown”, (hath I mentioned The GAY?) l-l-l-l-ib’rals, people who fail to buy American, pansies, those thou dost deem “less” than thee, socialists, those that drive a hybrid or compost, (I hath covered The GAY, yes?) and most of all: black presidents.</span><br />
<br />
<b>21. </b> <span style="color: red;">Lo, I say unto thee, it is easier for such as these to overcome the security system of a BMW or take yer jobs than be loved by the Father…even though He made them, too. </span><br style="color: red;" /><br style="color: red;" /><span style="color: red;">Go forth and doest thou likewise and thou shalt have an eternal place at the seat of power.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">* Tea Bagger Edition, abridged and corrected.</span>The Great and Powerful Bloviatrixhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17972654822888062429noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-984795085058656392.post-22176089585367591492010-11-02T13:13:00.000-05:002010-11-02T13:13:05.355-05:00A GOP Successory<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRBGK9ppln69_YNt6h64va_O5VV6hh_PcppALp1zyycE7wk-rTbvG6zowaWHcRGTNnOz-mi8SmbjALD0ZwjBdGEEpQWkHUeNf5xcxHmzWv7-VjGunCpdcxT1b6Hy6DpYFD7CAwRV2qLgSB/s1600/GOP-+Loose+Change+You+Can+Believe+In-2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="256" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRBGK9ppln69_YNt6h64va_O5VV6hh_PcppALp1zyycE7wk-rTbvG6zowaWHcRGTNnOz-mi8SmbjALD0ZwjBdGEEpQWkHUeNf5xcxHmzWv7-VjGunCpdcxT1b6Hy6DpYFD7CAwRV2qLgSB/s320/GOP-+Loose+Change+You+Can+Believe+In-2.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>This is just a quick-n-dirty rough edit......The Great and Powerful Bloviatrixhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17972654822888062429noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-984795085058656392.post-38628121557481505282010-10-31T13:31:00.000-05:002010-10-31T13:31:09.061-05:00Of Tea-Baggers 'n' ProtestersLet’s try a thought experiment:<br />
<br />
A self-identified protester shows up to yet another event of a candidate or cause. Said protester is identified by supporters of the candidate/cause as this particular protester has been to several previous events, is known to security and volunteer staff, and is carrying a sign that clearly displays <i>(as usual)</i> clear distaste for the candidate. Said protester is also wearing an apparently intentionally crude costume intended to reinforce the protest. Five goons <i>(not Joe "I Gots Me a Problem with the Truth" Miller's crack(head) "security team")</i> who are neither cops nor security surround said protester and start muttering veiled threats like, "We are here to do crowd control we might have to take someone out." Said protester tries to flee the threat and an honor beating ensues.<br />
<br />
You may have a spark of recognition: this was no thought experiment; this actually happened.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/bob-cesca/when-in-doubt-they-beat-u_b_775094.html">http://www.huffingtonpost.com/bob-cesca/when-in-doubt-they-beat-u_b_775094.html</a><br />
<br />
Now don't get me wrong: IF a protester charges a candidate‘s vehicle and takes any threatening action toward the candidate <i>(which she didn't)</i>, I have no problem with a couple of cro-mags blocking her way or even restraining her, then letting security or cops nearby handle the situation. <br />
<br />
But that's not what happened. <br />
<br />
As she initially ran up to paul’s car, she was blocked by his security staff, who quickly and rightly determined she was no latter day Squeaky Fromme, just another protester. After that, she was trying to run away from the Viagra-dependent brain-stemmers who decided paul’s security and law enforcement failed in their duties, so they took matters into their own hands…or feet…. Once the protester was caught, she offered <b>NO RESISTANCE WHATEVER</b>. She was then, for some inexplicable reason, forced to the ground, whereupon two of these backwater ass-thumbers launch some pot shots at a non-combative, fully subdued protester. SHE gave up; THEY escalated. <br />
<br />
Nice job, He-Men. Jesus will stamp your Man-card now. <i>(But He’s gonna beat the Dumb outta you with his whip soon thereafter.)</i><br />
<br />
Now if a tea-bagger charges a Dem's car and goes for an open window, one would be batting with the averages to assume said pants-shitter might be about to exercise their "2nd Amendment rights," so the danger is distinctly different. <i>(When’s the last time progressive protesters showed up to a palin rally with assault rifles en masse ?)</i> The collective Ignorami and its whores of complicit republican candidates and cheering pundits have repeated veiled threats of violence so often and with such impunity I think we must consider them armed and brainless: dangerous and stupid is a potentially lethal combination.<br />
<br />
What I and anybody with a fully developed frontal lobe <i>(so tea-baggers and all their defenders are <u>right</u> out)</i> find objectionable in this particular incident is when the obviously subdued and non-resistant woman gets three cheap shots from two of the dipshits, one of which results in her head smacking into the curb. What I and anybody with a fully developed frontal lobe find objectionable about the tea-baggers in general is their fetishistic enslavement to the idea some ‘Mer’cans are “real” and others - those who disagree with them - are subject to the mewling minority’s violent heel.<br />
<br />
Assholes like tea-baggers are the reason that I'm voting straight ticket for the 1st time in my life.<br />
<br />
Fuck tea-baggers.<br />
<br />
Fuck candidates who embrace, defend, or at least fail to rePudiate them repeatedly.The Great and Powerful Bloviatrixhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17972654822888062429noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-984795085058656392.post-78275557538744294742010-10-13T00:10:00.003-05:002017-06-11T09:34:21.010-05:00Tea-Bag America: What’s In It for MeI practically drool at the chance to rail against tea-baggers and their id-dominated, fact-challenged, hypocritical hordes. (Litmus test: Where were all these douche bags in 2002? 2003? 2004? 2005? <i>Fini</i>.) I relish the very thought of giving them a taste of their own medicine: casting aspersions on their “ideas” (and I use the term as loosely as the GOP has used them); insulting their costumes; mocking the legitimacy of their birthing/hatching/budding, and; farting in their general direction. (I realize such an approach forces me to lower myself to the level of mentally imbalanced Cro-mags, but sometimes one must indeed stoop in order to conquer…or just bash. I‘m fine with either.)<br />
<br />
Glenn beck, Grand High Poobah of the Legion of Dumbfuckery (a.k.a. the "Tea Party"), recently called out the family in TN who lost their mobile home in a fire while a private subscription service fire department responded…only to stand idly by as the family home burned to the ground and their pets died inside. Why? The family was late paying the $75 annual fee for fire protection. (See also: <i>Racketeering</i>.) While the more sensible among us engaged in "compassion," Beck and loads of his minions held this out as a perfect example of what happens when you don’t play by the rules and fail to pay your fair share. (Lost on every smear of the stains left by the single-cell thought-like process shared by Beck’s Drecks is the county could’ve taxed the citizens OF that particular county an additional 0.13 per year based on property values and funded a professional, public fire department. C’est la chickenshits.) While that alone is bad enough, Beck and his loyal sidekick - whose name I neither know nor have the inclination to Google - started mocking these people, parading them across his national stage in order to do nothing but subject them to national embarrassment while they had absolutely no platform from which to defend themselves. (A sidebar: I’m fairly certain that makes Beck an “elitist.” …and a pansy….)<br />
<br />
My natural first reaction was, of course, to:<br />
<br />
<b>*gag*cough*sputter*choke*asphyxiate*expire*be mourned by fam-n-friends: all so I could roll over in my OWN GODDAM GRAVE*self-resurrect*back to slingin' the vitriol*</b><br />
<br />
...but not JUST at Beck, from whom I expect such drivel. The firefighters - wait, that’s not the right term…. Fire…mercenaries? Firemercs? OK, the people who showed up with all the equipment and presumably expertise to put out a mobile home fire said they were simply following “orders.” (Ibid, <i>Nuremberg Trials</i>; op cit, <i>Iran-Contra</i>.) As an ACTUAL public servant (as opposed to a service merchant), I understand the importance of following orders…but I also understand a public servant’s right and responsibility to <i>DISOBEY </i>orders when such orders are illegal, unethical, or flat-out immoral. At least ONE of those guys should’ve had the sack to turn just ONE hose toward what was early on a manageable fire and put it out, orders be damned.<br />
<br />
But then…<i><b>EPIPHANY</b></i>! A society in which every citizen pays for every service on either a subscription or pay-as-you-go basis (a Tea-Bagger paradise) is PERFECT for a guy like ME!<br />
<br />
Disband the filthy s-s-s-s-s-socialist union!<br />
<br />
Get rid of the “paycheck” system that rewards employees equally, regardless of productivity!<br />
<br />
Pay me based <b>SOLELY </b>on individual, measurable performance. Public service on a commission basis…<br />
<br />
Each enforcement action garners a 20% commission. (Why 20%? It’s what the market will bear, of course.) A seat belt ticket puts $12 in my pocket. Speeding? $24. Operation of an Uninsured MV? Oh, that’s damn near college tuition. (I would also get 20% commission on any court fees, since my find started the whole process.) Each offense would be necessarily monetized in such a way, but ya get the basic concept.<br />
<br />
Here’s an easily achieved scenario: Writing three speeding tickets an hour for seven hours (allowing one hour to make the appropriate computer entries) means I would make $504 per shift. Figure at least a warrant arrest a week earns the finder 20% of the most common bond amount ($1000), plus a commission for each felony arrest based on a Table of Severity and voila! Pay ME as I go gets me to about $15,000 a month…$225,000 per year. (I couldn’t be docked simply because someone beat a ticket, criminal charge, or got a warrant quashed, either: such things fall under the purview of the State’s Attorney, so go after HIS check. It would be my job to CATCH, not clean.) Combine that with a Tea-Bagger's philosophy on taxation and I could retire comfortably* in just a few years.<br />
<br />
In other words: Bring.It.ON!<br />
<br />
Oh, I DO relish a Tea-Bag America! One in which we ALL finally embrace Social Darwinism! Back to the L-a-a-a-a-a-a-w of the West! Survival of the Fittest! We could finally get rid of those stupid borders, too. After all…as ‘Mer’kins, we can surely beat back a wave of people willing to work longer, harder and for less pay because…well, cuz we’re ‘MER’KINS, dammit!<br />
<br />
As the Tea-Baggers (those REAL Merkins**) would put it: “THEY” ain’t “US,” morans!<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;">* But it won't be here...Too many batshit crazy 'baggers.... </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;">** Please don’t google that term…. </span>The Great and Powerful Bloviatrixhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17972654822888062429noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-984795085058656392.post-48920743092767167532010-09-23T23:47:00.004-05:002010-09-24T12:19:54.167-05:00The Pledge to America, abrigded and corrected, Pt. 1<span style="font-size: small;">America IS more than a country. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;">America is an idea – an idea that free people can govern themselves <b><i>(as long as we can manipulate their unrealistic fears)</i></b>, that government’s powers are derived from the consent of the governed <i><b>(unless we didn't win)</b></i>, that each of us is endowed by their Creator with the unalienable rights to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness<b> (<i>unless your definition of happiness violates our delicate sensibilities).</i></b> America is the belief that any man <b><i>(preferably white and/or rich)</i></b> <strike>or woman</strike> can – given economic, political, and religious liberty – advance themselves, their families, and the common good <b><i>of the rich and corporate.</i></b><br />
<br />
America is an inspiration to those who yearn to be free and have the ability and the dignity to determine their own destiny..<b>.<i>unless they're foreigners. Fuck them, no matter what that Frenchie slut in NY harbor says.</i></b><br />
<br />
Whenever the agenda of government becomes destructive of these ends,<i> <b>WE'LL BE THERE!</b></i><br />
<br />
These first principles were proclaimed in the Declaration of Independence, enshrined in the Constitution, and have endured through hard sacrifice and commitment by generations of Americans....<b><i>and slavery...and genocide...and an economic system that insulates the wealthy and connected from real competition.</i></b><br />
<br />
In a self-governing society, the only bulwark against the power of the state is the consent of the governed, <b><i>except when we don't like the results of the legal and verified elections. Then, we pledge to whine and bellow until we get our way.</i></b> Regarding the policies of the <b><i>current legally elected government</i>,</b> the governed do not consent...<b>.<i>except that they overwhelmingly did just a couple of years ago. Thank the Creator for our abilities with monkey wrenches real and metaphorical!</i></b><br />
<br />
An unchecked executive, a compliant legislature, and an overreaching judiciary have combined to thwart the will of the people and overturn their votes and their values, striking down longstanding laws and institutions and scorning the deepest beliefs of the American people. <u> </u><b><i><u>So we ask that you once again give US the unchecked executive, compliant legislature, and overreaching judiciary.</u> We pledge it'll work THIS time!</i></b><br />
<br />
An arrogant and out-of-touch government of self-appointed elites makes decisions, issues mandates, and enacts laws without accepting or requesting the input of the many<b>..<i>.which is totally cool as long as it's US, of course....</i></b><br />
<br />
Rising joblessness, crushing debt, and a polarizing political environment are fraying the bonds among our people and blurring our sense of national purpose, <b><i>which boogey-men we have flogged and flogged and flogged until a bunch of you discovered the implied permission to act like the intellectual children you are.</i></b></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br />
Like free peoples of the past, our citizens refuse to accommodate a government that believes it can replace the will of the people with its own. The American people are speaking out, demanding that we realign our country’s compass with its founding principles and apply those principles to solve our common problems for the <b><i>upper 2% good</i>.</b><br />
<br />
The need for urgent action to repair our economy and reclaim our government for the people cannot be overstated. <b><i>BUT we're doing it anyway. We're also lying about it, just to be safe. Seriously, y'all will swallow anything...almost.</i></b><br />
<br />
With this document, we pledge to dedicate ourselves to the task of reconnecting our highest aspirations to the permanent truths of our founding by keeping faith with the values our nation was founded on, the principles we stand for, and the priorities of our people. This is our Pledge to America, <b><i>written in the freshest of flung poo.</i></b><br />
<br />
We pledge to honor the Constitution as constructed by its framers and honor the original intent of those precepts that have been consistently ignored – <b><i>so start saving to get some slaves so you can have durty s-s-s-s-s-ex with them and tell no.one. Also, if you've been eying your neighbor's land but he hasn't been gracious enough to simply leave it to you, it will again be legal (and justified under God's sweet, sweet will) to simply kill them and take it...after raping the women, of course.</i></b><br />
<br />
We pledge to advance policies that promote greater liberty, wider opportunity, a robust defense, and national economic prosperity...<b><i>as long as you can afford the membership.</i></b><br />
<br />
We pledge to honor families, traditional marriage, life, and the private and faith-based organizations <i><b>(well, the ones we AGREE with, anyway)</b> </i>that form the core of our American values<b> <i>because we are VERY concerned with what you do with YOUR crotch. We're watching, you pervies...delicious, succulent pervies....</i></b></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br />
We pledge to make government more transparent in its actions, careful in its stewardship, and honest in its dealings. <b><i>To promote this approach, we will tailor some new clothes for the once and future Emperor! That's why many of our newer candidates have lots of these "tits" you so like: TRANSPARENCY NOW!!!!!</i></b><br />
<br />
We pledge to uphold the purpose and promise of a better America, knowing that to whom much is given, <b><i>much is kept in long-term tax shelters and speculative financial derivatives that can be sold off juuuust before the bottom drops out.</i></b><br />
<br />
We make this pledge bearing true faith and allegiance to the people we represent*, and we invite fellow citizens** and patriots*** to join us in forming a new governing agenda for America: <b><i>Exactly the SAME agenda we had before, but we pledge it WILL WORK THIS TIME! </i></b></span><br />
<br />
<b><span style="font-size: x-small;">*We do not represent 98% of you, so stop asking, you filthy, unwashed workers! LOOK! ATHEIST FAGS-N-DYKES GOT YER GUNS!!!!!! Don't forget to vote!</span></b><br />
<b><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></b><br />
<b><span style="font-size: x-small;">**Citizens must be prepared to show proof of status. White skin and/or lotsa liquid assets shall be prima facie evidence of legal status.</span></b><br />
<b><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></b><br />
<b><span style="font-size: x-small;">***No Dems allowed.</span></b>The Great and Powerful Bloviatrixhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17972654822888062429noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-984795085058656392.post-40449931066924478402010-08-10T23:42:00.002-05:002012-10-28T10:47:15.942-05:00Revisiting Newt Gingrich, Flaccid AmericanNewt Gingrich: American politician, author, chicken-hawk, faux-conservative, and a flaccid dick.<br />
<br />
Newt started life as a bastard, born out-of-shotgun-wedlock to a 16 year-old harpy and a 19 year old gelding in 1943, plopping into the world June 17. He promptly slapped his mother for being a single mom, berated the doctor for being a “fer’ner,” and told his gelding father “Get a job, deadbeat!” Thus, the transformation from mere bastard to dick began in earnest.<br />
<br />
The first hard evidence to the world-at-large of Newt’s burgeoning <br />
dickish nature is the fact he survived Grammar School with a name like “Newt” paired with a surname like “Gingrich.” (It doesn’t help that “Newt” is short for “Newton,“ either.) Millard Fillmore Junior High records show other such foul-named taunt-targets as Saxby, Nigel, and George failed to make it past Day 3 on the playground without chronic noogies, but Newt inexplicably thrived. (Attempts to locate “Knuckles” McPhee--MFJH’s most notorious and prolific bully--to explain this phenomenon have been unsuccessful. However, according to a scrawled, cryptic message found on the recently unearthed 7th grade boys’ bathroom, “Knuckles” may have met an untimely end by swirley.) His high school career was unremarkable save two awards: Best Turkey-Neck, and; voted Most Likely to Eat His Own Young. Newt received no grades, only the marks, “Get this MFer outta my class!”<br />
<br />
During his undergraduate years studying the effect of Lizard-Think on Economics and Fer’ner Affairs, Newt discovered “girls,“ though his experimental endeavors on that subject have been lost to Time as witnesses failed to survive or are unwilling to come forward. His graduate thesis--<i>Worrying More About What People Do In the Privacy of Their Own Bedrooms (Cuz I Ain’t Getting’ Any)</i>--won rave reviews among remaining proto-humans, aka Young Republicans.<br />
<br />
Newt is a loud, staunch voice for “Family Values,” valuing families so much, he’s created three of his own along the way. An early family, created with Jackie Battley, gave opportunity to show his early dedication to empathy by divorcing her while she was battling cancer. However, rather than elevating him to <i>Colossal Prick</i> status as might be expected by such a bold move, he became a mere <i>Dick, Common Flaccid</i> by reportedly trying to get her to sign a handwritten settlement while she was in the hospital recovering from related surgery. As might be expected from one of such a name, Newt is all-class, babe.<br />
<br />
A short time after divorcing Battley, Newt corralled another lobotomized filly in 1981, Wyf #2. In a fantastic display of a man’s reach exceeding his grasp, he actually groomed Wyf #3 while married to Wyf #2, via extramarital affair. When asked what first drew her to Newt the Flaccid, Wyf the 3rd mumbled something unintelligible through a Quaalude-induced fog. She then slobbered a bit. Newt’s personal mantra seems to be, “Third Time’s a Charm (especially with pharmaceuticals and vodka.)”<br />
<br />
Newt’s political career and accomplishments can rest on their respective sphincters, needing no further glorification here. To sum up: he single-handedly saved America during the Clinton years. “The Contract On America” was a watershed moment.<br />
<br />
Newt’s personal interests include hardcore Bulgarian necrophilia porn, hypocrisy as an art form, genital self-mutilation, and discovering the tensile strength threshold of his lower abdominal wall. It’s widely rumored he was the original inspiration for the South Park character of Mr. Garrison, just so “Suck my balls, Mr. Garrison” could be uttered. <br />
<br />
Newt the Flaccid is scheduled to go supernova in 3... 2... Duck.The Great and Powerful Bloviatrixhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17972654822888062429noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-984795085058656392.post-47081065033938214142010-07-20T12:19:00.003-05:002010-07-20T12:24:30.509-05:00A Ditty for a (Not So) Pretty (Not So) Little LiarThere once was an ass from Wasilla<br />
Whose lips gave a rise to some fellas.<br />
She played on some fears,<br />
Then said with a sneer:<br />
"My boobs are my brains, so they're jealous."<br />
<br />
Go ahead...refudiate <i>THAT.</i>The Great and Powerful Bloviatrixhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17972654822888062429noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-984795085058656392.post-91397177948818696262010-05-01T14:17:00.002-05:002010-05-03T23:55:54.122-05:00Look at Your Tea-Bagger.....Hello, ladies.<br />
Look at your tea-bagger.<br />
Now look at me.<br />
Now back at your tea-bagger-<br />
Now BACK to me.<br />
Sadly, they aren’t me.<br />
But if they stopped using words incorrectly<br />
And switched to Intelligent Argument<br />
They could sound like they’re me.<br />
<br />
Look down.<br />
Back up!<br />
Where are you…?<br />
You're in a conversation <br />
With a man your tea-bagger could sound like<br />
<br />
What’s in your hand?<br />
Back at me…<br />
I have it! <br />
It’s an oyster with two tickets to that thing.you.love……<br />
Look again.<br />
The tickets are NOW diamonds<br />
Anything is possible when you have reasonable debate based on fact,<br />
Not cowardice.<br />
<br />
I’m on a horse.The Great and Powerful Bloviatrixhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17972654822888062429noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-984795085058656392.post-10235351257280088872010-04-06T13:03:00.003-05:002010-04-06T14:14:12.050-05:00That Cra-Zay Ike!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirnkpoKBJO8uiX0QkAdgyBgQJJ4Ksx4DIFgOFldJnT7dFifybq3Ng0nEZxq7A4eq5ghyphenhyphenBCj2SAnrnCdzt7QpOmKba-OThkyaowThJxo70uM8SJAGoiZxHCbUX0GKWkZmtnmFrx1WBKTLGF/s1600/B&W+Tree-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" linkindex="16" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirnkpoKBJO8uiX0QkAdgyBgQJJ4Ksx4DIFgOFldJnT7dFifybq3Ng0nEZxq7A4eq5ghyphenhyphenBCj2SAnrnCdzt7QpOmKba-OThkyaowThJxo70uM8SJAGoiZxHCbUX0GKWkZmtnmFrx1WBKTLGF/s320/B&W+Tree-1.jpg" width="213" /></a></div>A friend sent a quote to me recently, reminding me why the current crop of conservatives (PSST: They aren't really conservatives--they just play them on TV. Totally.Welcome!) leave me in a swearing, lathered heap every time they open their gaping hate-holes.<br />
<br />
<br />
<i>"Every gun that is made, every warship launched, every rocket fired signifies, in the final sense, a theft from those who hunger and are not fed, those who are cold and are not clothed.<br />
<br />
This world in arms is not spending money alone.</i> <i><br />
<br />
It is spending the sweat of its laborers, the genius of its scientists, the hopes of its children.</i> <i><br />
<br />
The cost of one modern heavy bomber is this: a modern brick school in more than 30 cities.</i> <i><br />
<br />
It is two electric power plants, each serving a town of 60,000 population.</i> <i><br />
<br />
It is two fine, fully equipped hospitals.</i> <i><br />
<br />
It is some 50 miles of concrete highway.</i> <i><br />
<br />
We pay for a single fighter with a half million bushels of wheat.We pay for a single destroyer with new homes that could have housed more than 8,000 people.</i> <i><br />
<br />
This, I repeat, is the best way of life to be found on the road the world has been taking.This is not a way of life at all, in any true sense. Under the cloud of threatening war, it is humanity hanging from a cross of iron."</i> <i><br />
</i> <br />
--> Crazy socialist and renowned hippie, Dwight D. Eisenhower.<br />
<br />
(Psst to the asshats: he was a Republican. ;))<br />
<br />
Someone forward this to Sarah "Got Putin?" p*lin and her frothing minions ASAP. Ike was a pragmatic conservative and had the mentality of a grown-up.The Great and Powerful Bloviatrixhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17972654822888062429noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-984795085058656392.post-35091662631592625842010-03-24T17:55:00.017-05:002017-05-25T15:21:37.897-05:00Avoiding Socialism: A Checklist<b>BROTHERS!!!! </b> (For we are all brothers, regardless of how some GAWD-less, gub’mint approved doctor or hippy midwife or fer’ner cabbie interpreted our naughty bits.)<br />
<br />
<b>BROTHERS!!!!</b> It has recently come to our collective attention that s-s-s-SOCIALISM--that pre-cursor to Communism, Fascism, and Malapropism--has finally taken serious root in the Homeland.<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>***I PLEDGE ALLEGIANCE TO THE FLAG OF THE UNITE--***</i></div>
<br />
<b>Not now, Brothers!</b> Time-n-place; time-n-place……<br />
<br />
<b>BROTHERS!!!! </b> This e-Vil health care insurance reform stuff bein’ rammed down our collective throats is CLEARLY meant as a way for Obama (<i>***IS DEH DEBIL***</i>) to take yet one more step toward Authoritarianism! WE MUST BEAT IT BACK!<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>***(Much Ha-rumphing....)***</i></div>
<br />
…however…<br />
<br />
Some smart-ass, pinko/fasco/commie/hippy l-l-l-l-L-IB’RAL has recently pointed out the hypocrisy of our ways by elucidat….<br />
<br />
Elucidati…. <br />
<br />
Ok… <br />
<br />
Um… <br />
<br />
Enumerat-ah, shit.<br />
<br />
OK, look-see: this smart-ass listed a whole lotta thangs that are actually even MORE s-s-s-SOCIALIST than regulating the amazingly generous and shining examples of Capitalism that constitute our Private Health Care Insurance System, God grant them peace-n-profit. <br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>***(Much genuflecting)***</i></div>
<br />
So, the call has done rang out, cuz this guy was <u>RIGHT</u>. We MUST cleanse ourselves of this demon called "s-s-s-Socialism" in the name of all that is holy! (<i>For an exhaustive list of “All Things Holy,” please contact Sarah Palin</i>.) So, here’s a partial list of how we can go about cleansing our national soul the way Alexander Hamilton, James Madison, George Washington, Benjamin Franklin, and John Adams woulda wanted.* <br />
<br />
<i>*[Author‘s. Note: For your own safety, please do not research any of those names, especially by reading Mark Brown's thoughts at www.jurist.law.pitt.edu.]</i><br />
<ul>
<li>Pull your kids outta public schools. (Extra credit given to those brothers who burn said schools to the sacred, sacred soil as "ground zero" infection sites.) </li>
<li>Stop using publicly funded roads (esp. interstates). </li>
<li>Demonstrate against the military, since all they do is suck the public teat. </li>
<li>Don't call police. </li>
<li>If shot with your own gun(s) during a burglary, make sure the doctor has no medical license. </li>
<li>Stop watching TV and cable and listening to radio. “Public airways,” indeed! </li>
<li>Don't eat anything inspected by the FSIS. (Don’t forget to use unlicensed medical people for trichinosis-n-such.) </li>
<li>Carry your baptismal certificate. Present that next time someone asks you for your insurance provider.</li>
<li>Don't go to a national park. </li>
<li>Pull your money out of banks w/FDIC backing. </li>
<li>Steal gramma’s Social Security and Medicare, then donate those funds to SarahPAC.</li>
<li>Stop recognizin’ “sunrise” and “sunset.” Cuz everybody knows the world has ended!</li>
</ul>
<br />
<b>BROTHERS!!!! </b> Please add suggestions as you think of them!<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>***(Standing, collective ovation)***</i></div>
<br />
Oh...one last thing...and this is a little... um... <i>delicate</i>, so “discretion” is the word: we need volunteers for an exploratory committee. It seems j-j-j-Jesus was a dirty liberal and a s-s-s-Socialist, too, what with his redistribution of loaves & fish, slingin’ free booze at weddings, healin’ the sick and dead FOR FREE, even OUT.OF.NETWORK!!!! He prolly din’ even have a green card, fer Christ’s sake! <br />
<br />
Therefore, we need a new Messiah. (But blasphemy will be good ta go.) Do I have any nominations from the collecti--I mean, floor?<br />
<br />
Perhaps we start with Glenn Beck. I like the wiggle o‘ his waddle.The Great and Powerful Bloviatrixhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17972654822888062429noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-984795085058656392.post-74086744468675830832010-03-17T21:42:00.004-05:002010-03-17T22:06:52.980-05:00The Latest AssaultYeah…so my census form arrived in the mail yesterday. I’ve been steeped in the panicky swill of Michelle b*chmann and Glenn b*ck, lately (their mendacity is almost impossible to escape, given the breathless nature of panic-journalism), so the arrival of Das Presidente’s latest mind control apperatti (yeah, I made up that word) caused consternation, hiccups, as well as swelling of the colon.<br /><br />Consider the power of a president--any president--knowing *gasp* how many people live in MY house! How DARE he!?! It’s time to arm ourselves, fellow Homelanders! This Emperor-in-Waiting must be stopped at all costs! (Except anything resembling actual <span style="font-style:italic;">ACTION</span>, that is….)<br /><br />But then again…the true patriots tell us President Obama is: Omniscient; Omnipresent; Omnipowerful; Omninational, and; Omni-Curious…. Defiance is sure to have consequences!<br /><br />So for the safety of all Americans (or, as some prefer, “’Mer’kins”) and all the ships at sea: I just finished the form indicating I’m an “American,” though there could be suspicions about YOU, apparently. (See "'Beck, Glenn.').... Copy-n-paste this as your status and twitter and RS feed (then follow the instructions below) or Nancy Pilosi will eat yer face after forcibly reproducing with you. (Word of warning: everyone knows lib-Dems from Cali reproduce by… um… “being the Man,” so at speak, so lube is muy importante’. It‘s gub‘mint lube, so you know it can‘t be trusted. Maybe your colon can filibuster…?)<br /><br />Make sure to implant the chip that comes with the census form. (Luckily, said package conveniently (and socialistically) includes the gub’mint-provided syringe along with digital copies of Mein Kampf and Marx' entire bibliography as edited by Das Presidente with instructions on how to import them to iTunes accompanied by a warning to listen on "repeat" until our respective AND collective medula oblongati (did it again!) oozes out of nasal passages and we can all rhythmically chant same. (<span style="font-weight:bold;">CAUTION</span>: Side effects may include getting a gig as a recurring caricature on f*x “news.”).<br /><br /><span style="font-style:italic;">For those perhaps less-than-attuned</span>:<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! Reading the above is likely to result in “Sarcasm” and “Satire” infiltrating yer brain! Re-read with caution!</span><br /><br />C’m<span style="font-weight:bold;">ON<span style="font-style:italic;"></span></span>, man! I’m a liberal agnostic vegetarian living in So. IL where we apparently have both kinds of political thought--Tea & Baggin--so I’m bound to have a big mouth and sharp elbows!<br /><br />Jebus-copulating-Chee-rist, people! It’s one thing to disagree; it’s quite another to see the Doom of the Republic every time a liberal (or, as we prefer to be called, a “dirty, stinkin’ commie-bastard/bitch lib’ral”) tries to do something. The once-a-decade census has been happening with great regularity since 1790. In fact, the census is a constitutional requirement! So for Michelle “1000-Yard-Stare” b*chmann (and others) to suggest we not participate because of some unsubstantiated fear of President Obama is to go AGAINST the very document to which she claims such allegiance!<br /><br />Wait a minute… The census is <span style="font-style:italic;">required </span>by...the Constitution...?<br /><br />That must mean...<br /><span style="font-style:italic;"><br />Oh, nozerz!</span> <br /><br />Even the founding fathers have been retroactively hypnotized by Buh-RACK Who-SAIN O-BAM!a!!!!!<br /><br />That being the case…if you'll excuse me…I need to stretch in preparation for my nightly genuflections, then practice the M00slim version of Kum Bay Ah so I may hail my Socialist/Marxist/Commie-Nazi overlords in such a patriotic manner they never suspect I might come from "Real America." <br /><br />ALL HAIL! <br /><br />(Dumbfuckery is outta control. I can only swing the cudgel so many hours a day!)The Great and Powerful Bloviatrixhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17972654822888062429noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-984795085058656392.post-14315313983367658992010-03-08T07:40:00.004-06:002010-03-08T09:30:06.753-06:00E-Mail Scammers; A Love StoryI was recently contacted by someone claiming to be "Sgt. Chad Cook," who needed my assistance to claim his portion of $28M, which he obtained after discovering barrels of money buried in Sadam Hussein's palaces. Obviously, such a thing is highly illegal, so he contacted me to act as a go-between. <br /><br />A sample of the e-mail: <br /><br /><i>I want you to tell me how much you will take from this money for the assistance you will give to me. One passionate appeal i will make to you is not to discuss this matter with anybody, should you have reasons to reject this offer, please and please destroy this message as any leakage of this information will be too bad for us soldier's here in Iraq. I do not know how long we will remain here, and i have been shot, wounded and survived two suicide bomb attacks by the special grace of god, i honestly want this matter to be resolved immediately, please contact me as soon as possible with my e-mail address which is my only way of communication. <br /><br />God bless you and your family. <br /><br />Sgt. Chad Cook</i><br /><br />Not only am I offended that the scammer ripped off "Three Kings," thinking people wouldn't recognize that basic plot, I'm also shocked these dumbasses don't realize the very first giveaway it's a scam is their language. <br /><br />So...<br /><br />I have offered to *aherm* "help."<br /><br />My reply: <br /><br /><i>Since absolutely NO American would express themselves in the manner you do, I would like to offer my writing services to you and your organization. It is clear from your correspondence that you are not a native English speaker. I understand you and your colleagues are merely trying to earn an honest living by getting gullible people to give up the information and/or money you request and am indeed sympathetic to your cause; Unfortunately for you, such stilted writing as the correspondence below undoubtedly hinders your efforts and limits your organization's profitability.<br /><br />However, I am willing to help.<br /><br />For the low, low price of sucking my balls, Mr. Garrison, I am willing to edit all of your future attempts to make sure it at least sounds like an American might have written them. In return for sucking my balls per each piece edited, I can assure you your recipients will utterly believe that all your future correspondence comes from an American. While many will still see through your ruse (most of us in the US have seen Three Kings and remember it, since we are all madly in love with George Clooney), I can absolutely guarantee you a far higher response rate than you enjoy now.<br /><br />As to my qualifications: in addition to being born in a predominantly English speaking country, I have a degree <u>in English</u> as well as composition and am, therefore, highly trained and skilled. Additionally, for the last 11 years, I have earned a good living as a professional writer, editor, and proofreader. All you need to do is send me the rough draft of any correspondence you would like to use and within one week (five business days), I will return to you or your designee one perfectly Americanized solicitation. You may use each and every edited piece as many times as you like, in perpetuity.<br /><br />Even though I am absolutely willing to offer my services, I need to know you have the means to pay for my skills. As such, I must insist on proof of your ball-sucking expertise. (I've had bad experiences in the past with ball-suckers from your country who assured me their skills at said task were highly polished, only to discover they were amateurs, at best.) Where did you receive your ball-suck education? Did you earn a degree? If so, do you possess a Ball-Sucking Bachelor of Arts, Bachelor of Sciences, or did you earn an advanced degree?<br /><br />Please send a video or photographic portfolio of yourself sucking the balls on a person of your choosing so I might better determine that your skills at sucking my balls, Mr. Garrison, are commensurate with my skills as a writer. Please forward references from three (3) recent ball-suckees<br /><br />I look forward to your reply and sucking of my balls, Mr. Garrison.<br /><br />Sincerely,<br /><br />Me</i><br /><br />I certainly hope the good Sgt. doesn't get into trouble since I'm-a post any and all replies here. I've actually had a couple of scammers respond in the past, but have yet to get any photos. Let's see how far down the rabbit hole this fool is willing to follow me, eh?The Great and Powerful Bloviatrixhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17972654822888062429noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-984795085058656392.post-73173214662522001172010-02-24T16:43:00.001-06:002010-02-24T16:56:06.836-06:00Appropriate Metaphore....<div style='background-color:#e9e9e9; width: 425px;'><object id='A64060' quality='high' data='http://aka.zero.jibjab.com/client/zero/ClientZero_EmbedViewer.swf?external_make_id=1PJ3cchkmYM1R7eT&service=sendables.jibjab.com&partnerID=JibJab' pluginspage='http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer' type='application/x-shockwave-flash' wmode='transparent' height='319' width='425'><param name='wmode' value='transparent'></param><param name='movie' value='http://aka.zero.jibjab.com/client/zero/ClientZero_EmbedViewer.swf?external_make_id=1PJ3cchkmYM1R7eT&service=sendables.jibjab.com&partnerID=JibJab'></param><param name='scaleMode' value='showAll'></param><param name='quality' value='high'></param><param name='allowNetworking' value='all'></param><param name='allowFullScreen' value='true' /><param name='FlashVars' value='external_make_id=1PJ3cchkmYM1R7eT&service=sendables.jibjab.com&partnerID=JibJab'></param><param name='allowScriptAccess' value='always'></param></object><div style='text-align:center; width:435px; margin-top:6px;'>Personalize funny videos and birthday <a href='http://sendables.jibjab.com/ecards'>eCards</a> at JibJab!</div></div>The Great and Powerful Bloviatrixhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17972654822888062429noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-984795085058656392.post-38506073624187185282010-02-22T16:05:00.002-06:002010-02-22T16:10:56.878-06:00I Must Share!<font face="Verdana" size="1" color="#999999"><br/><a href="http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=48165722" style="font: Verdana">Dog Malfunction</a><br/><object width="425px" height="360px" ><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"/><param name="wmode" value="transparent"/><param name="movie" value="http://mediaservices.myspace.com/services/media/embed.aspx/m=48165722,t=1,mt=video"/><embed src="http://mediaservices.myspace.com/services/media/embed.aspx/m=48165722,t=1,mt=video" width="425" height="360" allowFullScreen="true" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent"></embed></object><br/><a href="http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=279443709" style="font: Verdana">Over The Handlebars</a> | <a href="http://vids.myspace.com " style="font: Verdana">MySpace Video</a></font>The Great and Powerful Bloviatrixhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17972654822888062429noreply@blogger.com1