Tilting at Ginmills & Whacking at Molehills: Celebrating Columbus

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Celebrating Columbus

Welcome to America. Before we connect you to a Survive the Winter representative, please choose from the following options:

*Press 1 for Algonquin.

*Press 2 for Cherokee.

*Press 3 for Muskogean.

*Press 4 for Mahican.

*Press 5 for a list of Delaware dialects.

*Press 6 for a list of Iroquois dialects.

*Press 7 for a list of Abnaki dialects..

*Press 8 for a list of berries your dumb ass shouldn't eat.

*Press 9 for more options.

1 comment:

The Great and Powerful BloviatrixSeptember 25, 2012 at 11:20 AM
Here's a little something I tossed off in the Caribbean.
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Republican Campaign Slogans!

Romney 2012: Because nothing says 'leadership' like a multi-millionaire jealous of a welfare Christmas.

Romney 2012: Kolob is real, but climate change is a myth.

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Vote GOP: Loose change you can believe in.

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GOP: Trickle-down economics and trickle-down hate...a winning combination!

The GOP: The best in institutional bigotry since Lincoln died.

Original Chuck Norris Facts (as translated from the original Douchebag)

Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing…yet can’t define “socialism” or use it correctly in a sentence.
Chuck Norris isn’t scared shitless; Shit is scared Chuck Norris-less.
Jesus legally changed His name to “Chuck Norris” so that people would mutter “Chuck H. Norris” when confronted by unbelievable bullshit.
In Islam, “Chuck Norris” is an expletive. Roughly translated, it means, “To excrete one’s weight in obfuscation, mendacity, and xenophobia.” [Chuck Norris didn’t look those words up in the dictionary; they looked up Chuck Norris and explained themselves. “Expletive” sent a nice e-mail.]
Chuck Norris is the reason we laugh when someone says, “But that IS 6 inches!”
Assless chaps are assless so Chuck Norris knows exactly where to stick it….
When Chuck Norris speaks, the English language dies juuuust a little bit more.
The best counter to a logical argument attempted by Chuck Norris is “Reeeeeeaaaalllly?”
Chuck Norris refuses to believe in a Jesus that healed the sick without asking for proof of citizenship and an insurance card first. That’s why Glenn Beck is now editing the Bible….in crayon….
When the Boogey-Man goes to sleep at night, he covers his mouth so Chuck Norris can’t pop outta the closet and tea-bag him.
Chuck Norris sued the manufacturers of douchebags for copyright and patent infringement and won an undisclosed settlement.