Inspirational Newt

I
There once was a fella named Newt
Who coveted all of the loot.
With a smile on his face
And no hint of disgrace
He'd give his 3rd wife The Big Boot.


II
There once was a fella named Newt
Who did seem like quite the galoot.
With a mouth well past full
The strings he did pull
And made Herman Cain go kaput.

III
GINGRICH!  One hell of a name!
Made others sit back and exclaim:
"With a name spelled like that -
And an apron so fat -
Our passions he he can't help inflame!"

IV
With Eye of Newt, Spawn of Hate,
The Other we all should berate.
But when it is known
How much he did owe,
They'll all say, "Not HIM! We will wait!"

Well, Allow Me to Re-TORT....

A friend of mine sent me one o' them "funny" chain e-mails a few days ago.  In it, the original "author" relayed the "hilarious" story of a gun-suckler who lived next to a liberal (I pointed out we prefer the term "DurtyStinkin'Commie-Fasco L-l-l-l-ib'ral) who liked to stir the pot.  The fetishist put a sign in his yard with the following text:

"BURGLARS!  My neighbor is a gun-control advocate.  Feel free to rob him, but THESE premises are protected by guns."

The sign had a large arrow on top, pointing to his neighbor's house.

OH, the HEE-LARITY!  However, as a gun-owning DurtyStinkin'Commie-Fasco L-l-l-l-ib'ral, I thought of an appropriate response:

"BURGLARS!  My neighbor has a LOT of guns which you can easily trade on the black market for drugs or money!  And he's a TERRIBLE shot."

The arrow would point right back at him....

The 2nd Amendment goes both way, bitches, even if DurtyStinkin'Commie-Fasco L-l-l-l-ib'rals don't view it as a religious document.  And I'm sorry about the size of your penis, morans [sic].

Of Mama Grizzlies & Messages

A bear and a rabbit are relieving themselves near each other in the woods. The bear turns to the rabbit and politely asks, "Do you have a problem with shit sticking to your fur?" The rabbit, thinking it an odd question, warily replies, "No." The bear says, "Well, that's good," grabs the rabbit, thoroughly wipes it's own ass, then tosses the rabbit aside as it walks deeper into the woods.

Palin (along with all of f*x (ItAin't)News, beck, et al) is a scatological mama grizzly and your everyday, run-of-the-mill republican is her rabbit.

/scene