Marriage Equality in IL

Today, the IL legislature takes up debate on marriage equality in my home state.  I'm sharing this with my local reps and urge you all to share your thoughts with them, as well.

Dear Rep. _______:

I'm a lifelong IL resident and have spent nearly all of that life in So. IL.  I graduated from ____ in 1986, ___ in 1991, and am currently employed as a police officer in ____.

Until the age of 18, I was as dedicated a homophobe as ever existed.  I was a jock (among other things) and raised in church, so I always knew how gay people were to be treated, even though I didn't personally know anyone who was openly gay.  While I never actually engaged in any direct bullying, myself, I certainly condoned keeping gay people in their rightful place: in hiding.  Gay people could live as they saw fit, as long as they kept that to themselves.

I've since learned how shameful, un-Christian, and un-American it is to oppress people for being nothing more than gay.  When I went to college, I actually met gay people, quickly realizing in-full their agenda: to live free, open lives while bothering no one, expecting the same treatment from their fellows in return. Within weeks of arriving on ... campus, everything I'd been taught and everything I thought about homosexuality was laid bare as naked bigotry and fear, so I returned to the words of Christ regarding homosexuality...and found He said nothing on the subject. In fact, I discovered “Love thy neighbor as thyself” ended with a period, not an asterisk. Many of my college friends happened to be gay and I learned a great many lessons, including not one of them CHOSE to be gay any more than I CHOSE to be straight and each had an extraordinarily difficult struggle when they realized they were indeed born gay. Interestingly, none of them tired to “recruit” me into the "gay lifestyle," either.

I happen to be straight, but I still know to the core of my being that no American should be treated as a second-class citizen. The 1st Amendment clearly states “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof....” Many churches and denominations fully recognize gay marriage as what it is: marriage. Therefore, the government has no right to tell two consenting adults what kind of social contract they can arrange for themselves, nor can it tell a church what it may or may not recognize as a holy union, so long as no one else's fundamental rights are at risk. No one's rights are violated by two gay people making a public commitment to grow old together.

I consider the last 26 years of my life to be penance for the first 18.  It is absolutely wrong to allow this inequality to continue, so I urge you to vote in favor of marriage equality so that our fellow Illinoisans may pursue their happiness without interference from their government.

Thank you for your consideration...and go 'Cats.

Celebrating Columbus

Welcome to America. Before we connect you to a Survive the Winter representative, please choose from the following options:

*Press 1 for Algonquin.

*Press 2 for Cherokee.

*Press 3 for Muskogean.

*Press 4 for Mahican.

*Press 5 for a list of Delaware dialects.

*Press 6 for a list of Iroquois dialects.

*Press 7 for a list of Abnaki dialects..

*Press 8 for a list of berries your dumb ass shouldn't eat.

*Press 9 for more options.

FUN! with Forwarded Right-Wing WORK E-mails!

I don't always respond to ridiculous right-wing hate mail sent to me through my work's e-mail network, but when I do, it goes a l'il summin-summin like this:

"While I realize nothing penetrates the right-wing bubble, on the off-chance there are people on this list who MIGHT pretend to be open minded, let's just take each of these idiotic pieces of...whatever ya wanna call 'em...in turn.  I've numbered them for easy reference.

1.  Clever.  Almost as clever as the architect who designed the pole barns in the background.

 

 2.  " The idea that we’re all in it together — that I am my brother’s keeper; I am my sister’s keeper — that is a value. But they’re still talking about you as if you’re some greedy special interest that needs to be beaten. Since when are hardworking men and women special interests?" ~President Obama. 

That looks like a whole LOTTA "We the people."

Or do you prefer Romney's nugget: "All right, there are 47 percent who are with him, who are dependent upon government, who believe that they are victims, who believe the government has a responsibility to care for them, who believe that they are entitled to health care, to food, to housing, to you name it. That that's an entitlement. And the government should give it to them. And they will vote for this president no matter what.... These are people who pay no income tax. Forty-seven percent of Americans pay no income tax."

3. Jesus also worked for change; so did Gandhi; so did George Washington.  Damn socialistic commie/nazi/fascist hippies....

 

4. Birthers are the lowest form of political scum in America, but let's address that thinly disguised racist tripe, briefly: what birthers peddle is that in the late fifties and early sixties, a group conspired to plant fake paperwork in the state of Hawaii JUST IN CASE a bi-racial child of a broken home might just be able to become president and...and what?  Increase foreign aid to Kenya?  Uh...make us all "socialists"?  Get rid of the Kardashians...?

 5. Ah, St. Reagan.  The guy who was a former president of a union (SAG) and raised taxes 11 times while exploding the federal budget and deficit.  *sniff*

6. No.  I'm embarrassed actual Conservatives (note the capital "C") didn't reel in horror from the reckless Bush years, go back to their roots and come back this year with an Eisenhower Republican.   

Let me get this straight...the last time we elected a privileged, rich, "businessman" who inherited MILLIONS and leaned on his alleged religious beliefs,  he got 8 years to create the smoking crater that used to be the U.S., but the B.L.A.C.K. guy gets just THREE and change to try to fix it and some people wanna replace him with an even MORE privileged jackass who wants to return to then double-down on the dumbass policies of Dubya.

Do I have that right...?  

To re-phrase: HELL, NO, I'm not embarrassed I voted for President Obama!  Can't WAIT to do it again!

 

7. She keeps using words to which she clearly doesn't know the meaning.  If Obama's a "Marxist," he's the worst one EVER, considering the DOW and NASDAQ are near historic highs, as are corporate profits.  And if he wants to be a "dictator," y'all wanna explain how every POS tea party member in the House STILL has their head on their shoulders and not on a pike outside the capitol?

 

8. How do I like my change?  Just fine, thanks.  I like my GMs alive and bin Ladens dead.  "And, also," to quote Sarah Palin, I still have all my precious guns and can talk all the crap I want without fear President Obama's drones are listening. 

To the owner of that sign and all who give credence to its "message": Grow a pair, moran [sic].

 

9. Stimulus worked; more terrorists killed in Obama's first TWO years than all of Bush's eight; not according to auto maker CEOs and stockholders; not according to the private insurance cos.; only for children smuggled or otherwise brought here by parents without breaking laws themselves AND the DREAM Act was/is a republican idea, and; that's a REPUBLICAN idea, too.

10.  America's broke, huh?  Then how the HELL are we paying for wars started by Dubya AND giving money to Israel?

11. If you didn't whine about Dubya turning a balanced budget into a record deficit within his first two years...shut yer Koch-hole.

 12. So was Mitt Romney...until he wasn't...except in the case of rape & incest...dammit, now he's not.

13. Wow.  Nice plagiarism.  In 1982, Michael Barnes told a gathering of roughly 150 union leaders that, "for a working man or woman in this country to vote Republican in 1982 would be like a chicken voting for Col. Sanders."  Holds true today....

14.  Racist much? 

*Anti-Choice? Don't have an abortion. 

*Don't like gay marriage?  Don't marry a gay person. 

*Hate taxes? Send President Obama a thank-you card for the multiple tax DECREASES he's given the middle class, including the payroll tax credit.  (Psst: that last one is the one Mitt wants to take back while giving HIMSELF another tax break.) 

*I still have ALL my guns and we have NO new regulations. 





Betcha no one but me has the guts to forward THIS."

And remember: always, ALWAYS hit "Reply All."

Inspirational Newt

I
There once was a fella named Newt
Who coveted all of the loot.
With a smile on his face
And no hint of disgrace
He'd give his 3rd wife The Big Boot.


II
There once was a fella named Newt
Who did seem like quite the galoot.
With a mouth well past full
The strings he did pull
And made Herman Cain go kaput.

III
GINGRICH!  One hell of a name!
Made others sit back and exclaim:
"With a name spelled like that -
And an apron so fat -
Our passions he he can't help inflame!"

IV
With Eye of Newt, Spawn of Hate,
The Other we all should berate.
But when it is known
How much he did owe,
They'll all say, "Not HIM! We will wait!"

Well, Allow Me to Re-TORT....

A friend of mine sent me one o' them "funny" chain e-mails a few days ago.  In it, the original "author" relayed the "hilarious" story of a gun-suckler who lived next to a liberal (I pointed out we prefer the term "DurtyStinkin'Commie-Fasco L-l-l-l-ib'ral) who liked to stir the pot.  The fetishist put a sign in his yard with the following text:

"BURGLARS!  My neighbor is a gun-control advocate.  Feel free to rob him, but THESE premises are protected by guns."

The sign had a large arrow on top, pointing to his neighbor's house.

OH, the HEE-LARITY!  However, as a gun-owning DurtyStinkin'Commie-Fasco L-l-l-l-ib'ral, I thought of an appropriate response:

"BURGLARS!  My neighbor has a LOT of guns which you can easily trade on the black market for drugs or money!  And he's a TERRIBLE shot."

The arrow would point right back at him....

The 2nd Amendment goes both way, bitches, even if DurtyStinkin'Commie-Fasco L-l-l-l-ib'rals don't view it as a religious document.  And I'm sorry about the size of your penis, morans [sic].

Of Mama Grizzlies & Messages

A bear and a rabbit are relieving themselves near each other in the woods. The bear turns to the rabbit and politely asks, "Do you have a problem with shit sticking to your fur?" The rabbit, thinking it an odd question, warily replies, "No." The bear says, "Well, that's good," grabs the rabbit, thoroughly wipes it's own ass, then tosses the rabbit aside as it walks deeper into the woods.

Palin (along with all of f*x (ItAin't)News, beck, et al) is a scatological mama grizzly and your everyday, run-of-the-mill republican is her rabbit.

/scene

Scenes from Geo. W. Bush's "Book" Tour, Pt. 1

A Tea-Bagger is Borned  [Best read aloud]

"Heh heh...jist read th' book. Aifter Ah read uncle dickie's notes fer his VP/S&M memoir, Ah 'membered how Ah bawl-gagged Say-Damn H00-sain inta almost tellin' me where them ol' DubyaMDs were...um, was...were...at.  Mommy wouldn't let me use her-n-pappy's favorite, so Ah had'tuh improverize with an ol' football an' some duck duct tape.   But that ol' moose-lim wuz a tough nut ta crack, which is exactly whut Ah tol' 'im: 'Say-Damn, you are one tough nut tah crack!'  That gave me an idear....  So Ah took off m'chaps, then m'Wranglers loose fit jeans, then put m'chaps BACK on...aind assumed th' position tuh contin-yuh the inter'gations....

"Heh heh....  Ah jist 'membered a funny detail: SH didn't have no gag reflex, which prob'ly explains why he never tol' me where them ol' DubyaMDs were...um, was...were...at.  Heh heh...coulda used him at summa mah frat parties cuz th' goats couldn't handle...*

Never mahnd that shit now...mommy's a-callin'. Prob'ly wants ta show me another jar in her prahvate collection...."